LIFE LESSONS I LEARNED IN JANUARY 2023
WHY WE PROCRASTINATE, PERFECTIONISM, and SMALL SUCCESSES.
Every month I like to reflect over the weeks and actively seek out the lessons to learn from my experiences. Every thing we experience, be it positive or negative, and most definitely the negative, can teach us something if we are open to growth and development. Sometimes we have to trawl through some raw emotion to get to those lightbulb moments, but it's worth it to come out the other side having a positive and healthier mindset. At the end of each month I sit and write out the thoughts, observations, and revelations about myself and the human condition, and hope you can take away something from them too.
WHY WE PROCRASTINATE.
Often, we view procrastination as a form of laziness or lethargy, but there’s more to it than that. There will usually be some subconscious or very conscious reason why you might be dragging your heels. Some of the obvious reasons for procrastination is simply priority. Said task or chore is just not as high on your list of important things to do. It’s something that you probably should do, but it’s a low-level priority to you in that moment. You might feel that in that particular moment, it’s more important for your wellbeing to sit on the sofa doing nothing than wash the increasing pile of dishes! This kind of procrastination isn’t laziness, but perhaps more of succumbing to the immediate feel-good reward of doing nothing and relaxing. In this moment, needing to feel good is more important than having a clean kitchen. But what if said task is important, and not only that, there’s time pressure to get it done? Procrastination might then stem from the daunting nature of the task, weary of the work and effort you need to put into it, or there’s a fear of failure and lack of self-belief that you can accomplish it and to a good standard. Doubt prevents action. Next time you find yourself dilly dallying (what a great term), ask yourself if it’s important right now, and if so, how can you break it down into more manageable, less daunting chunks?
PERFECTIONISM COMES FROM THE ‘NOT ENOUGH’ AND DRIVES IMPOSTER SYNDROME.
I’ve always been a perfectionist although in recent years it’s been toned down with my gradual development of love and acceptance of myself. But occasionally it gets amplified and sends me into a spin, affecting my judgement and expectations of myself and of others. The need for perfection comes from having limiting self-belief and need of validation. In order to be loved one needs to be perfect. When everything is just right, then we are good enough. Our standards are high but we have to meet them in order to feel worthy of love, acceptance, and approval. Perfectionists are highly critical, down to the last detail. But having such high standards can be stifling and discouraging, and what is a useful tool for quality control and striving for excellence, can diminish our ideas of success. Imposter Syndrome is an extension of perfectionism and feeling that we are not working to the standards we believe we should be, in order to be successful. When we start to understand that success can be measured in many ways, and we recognise our value and worth in all that we’ve achieved so far, we can begin to adjust our expectations and standards to a more forgiving level. When we start to believe that we are enough, then we can be kinder to ourselves, and not work so d*mn hard!
FOCUS ON THE SMALL SUCCESSES RATHER THAN THE FAILURES.
So often we are blinded by our disappointments and failures, that we don’t see all the incredible things we have achieved. All the little steps we have climbed to get to a goal are forgotten as we are too fixated on the end result. In fact, aren’t all the little steps and accomplishments along the way also results? A goal is not just a destination but also a journey with lots of little mile stones that can be celebrated just as equally. When we focus so much on the things we have yet to achieve, we forgot to admire the beauty that we have seen or appreciate the experiences along the way. If you look for failure, it is always there. Equally, so is success in all its manner and forms. Spend more time seeking the success.